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    August 24

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    医生说,恶化了,两边的肺都感染了,肝也顶不住了.
    医生说,再这样下去,只有开刀赌一把.医生说,开刀就是九死一生. 
     
    母亲说,父亲不知道熬不熬得过中秋了.
    母亲说,万一有事的话,她自己也顶不住了.
    母亲说,为什么他一生都这样命苦.
     
     
    我想起父亲的童年,那些文革,地主,批斗,肌饿,贫困,到街上乞讨饭吃,
    到了青年,一天一千斤的石头,不知道他是怎么每天拉江门到新会两个来回那么长的距离.
    终于熬出个晴朗,那些纠纷,债务又再缠身,
    然后是牢狱之苦,
    什么都受尽了,到头来得这样一个病,却又饿了个把月,禁食禁食禁食.每天禁食.
    我看着他做梦都喊着要吃西瓜,要吃这个那个,
    怎么,上天的不公平,可以这样离谱,
    童年饿了一场,老来还要他饿着躺在病床上.
     
     
    父爱如山.
    最近总是想起,中学的时候因为他那些缠身的债务,已经无法天天见面,每次在饭桌上相遇,
    他总是给我说历史,说政治,讲以前的老故事,讲那些艰难的日子,讲的轻松,听者亦不上心.只觉得很好听,很吸引.讲完便抛之脑后.
    到如今,我想试图记起他说过的,却怎么也记不起.已经,完全记不起.
    很想把那个躺在病床上的他摇醒,爸,给我讲,给我讲一个故事,这次一定记住呢.
    怎么不给我讲呢.
    不给我讲了吗,
    你的孩子想听..
     
     
    夜里常从梦里惊醒,汽车爆炸,飞机坠毁,车祸,还有鲜血.
    前阵子梦里碰见奶奶,我能和她说话.
    记得学神学的人告诉过我,在梦里能和一个已经往生的人说话,那么她或者她的直属就要...
    不要呢,千万不要.
     
    神有什么用,玉皇大帝有什么用,菩萨又有什么用,每次我的祈祷,都不能实现.
    你们有什么用.

    Comments (1)

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    Picture of Anonymous
    小云 wrote:
    病了这么久 他也很难受了 希望他在天国能够快乐吧
     
    Aug. 26

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